All by myself…

Oh boy… he is not gone even 24 hours and I miss him like mad…Since we married all those years ago we have always taken separate breaks/ holidays and they have never affected me as badly as in recent years…I still remember when HE LEFT ME last year…To celebrate that I was husband free, I organized a girly night at home and guess what?!!! I cancelled it the night before. Just as I was trying an outfit for the occasion I broke down in the changing rooms in front of my girls…life was not worth it without him…I couldn’t function without him , let alone party all night…Poor girls didn’t even know where to look while I had my moment….
Pathetic I know but there’s got to be a reasonable explanation for such phenomena cause I’m not by any stretch of the imagination a weak, man dependent type of woman.

Anyways who’s got the time to look for reasons/excuses for my current mental, emotional or heart state when I have a million things to do all by myself. Who is going to make sure all doors are locked at night if I’m too busy sulking? Who is going to put baby to bed every single night for ten days if I don’t stop crying and feeling sorry for myself? Who is going to fill up my petrol tank?!!!!  Who is going to do grocery shopping on Sunday morning? Who is going to do the rubbish?!!!! Who is going to kick me out of bed in the morning and wake up the girls too before going out to work?………………….

I miss my husband period…I need my husband and I’m not ashamed to admit it… I want my husband and I want him now because is time to drive dd17 to her voluntary work in the old peoples’ home….. 🙂

In all seriousness I miss him in the evenings the most. The moment he gets in for work marks the beginning of adult time. We have an unspoken routine going on that feels almost like synchronized dancing ( shut up Ines you are starting to sound stupidly corny)…we all eat, chat, share our days…. and then he gets the girls in the kitchen and deals with the mess in the kitchen while I go to my computer and switch off…Once baby is put to bed is when real adult conversations can take place…nothing out of this world but quite a thing for me now that I don’t have adult company during the day since I don’t have colleagues to talk to at break times…

Oh time to stop now because I’m upsetting myself far too much …Time to get up and do something else apart from feeling sorry for myself…Best things in these cases is to keep oneself busy..so let’s get on with tidying up the bedding, towels, sorting out the shed, organizing a coffee morning, decluttering stationery….

Salaams y hasta la vista,

Ines

 

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2 thoughts on “All by myself…”

  1. Aw Ines … *hugs* to you! This is just so lovely really! You’re so independent yet not ashamed to let yourself be dependent on your husband. And that you can still feel this way after a number of years of being married. Ma sha Allah! May Allah make your separation easy for you and unite you both in the best of states. 🙂

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