Why do I insist…

that we do family ‘things’ together? Why is it so important to me that we do something all of us together? And by together I mean daddy,mummy, hormonal/moody teenage daughter, 10 year old and baby (dream on she is 8 years old…) engaged in an activity while we are all having fun. And don’t get me wrong , I’m not even attempting to have ‘quality time’ or whatever that might be. If anyone has an example please try explaining to me in the comments box. Thank you.

I try and I try but I never seem to find anything suitable for us as a family. There is always someone who is not happy or even pretending to be happy. The closest we ever get to togethernes (doesn’t it sound glorious, let me say it again, t-o-g-e-t-h-e-r-n-e-s-s, sounds marvellous indeed ūüėÜ makes me want to smile) these days is Saturday evenings but deep down,in my mind, it does not count and let me explain why.

Picture this…We are back home from the shopping centre where we (me actually) once again attempted and failed to do something all of us together. We can’t even shop together , how sad is that!¬† We do that sad thing of splitting into two¬† to¬†go in different directions and meet an hour or so later¬†. Simply (not for¬†to me , very upsetting if you ask me ) to save time and apparently because some have shopping to do unlike others (I know they mean me )that only want to ‘steal ideas’ from certain shops, dream about owning “the too expensive to even look” stuff and at the same time question people (teenager’s words) about their week and try to get information from them. Nothing wrong with that ,is there ? Got to try a different¬†, more subtle way…Anyways back to coming back from the shops. We are now all sitting in the family room (notice I said sitting and not sitting together also I called it family room because one can dream and hope :cry:). We are all watching something on the screen but we are not doing it together and you know why? I’ll tell you why. Because the 8 year old,the teenager and I¬† are watching “Britain’s got talent” on the big screen and the fact that is the biggest screen makes me choose to watch that because it looks as if I’m in the main group, doing the main thing , the ‘let’s do it all TOGETHER thing’.While the OTHERS, the ‘they spoil my plans everytime…’ are in the room but¬† 10 years old brat¬†daughter is watching Robbin me of my daughter and the feeling of toguethernes Hood on the laptop bacause she can watch Britain’s got talent later in youtube anyways… And the other, the daddy, who is suppose to be with me and support me on my mission to bring togetherness into the family, to show a united front, strong leadership team and all the rest is sitting in front of the pc watching something else in arabic or following a lecture.

Just tell me what is one to do in a case like mine? And more importantly, is it an indication of disfunctionality. For a while now I’ve had the feeling that we might be a disfunctional family and that is one thing I’m not prepared to accept. I refuse point blank. I must check out the definition of disfunctionality just in case. Still we might be one by definition but not in practise.

I’ve tried, believe me you. The only thing I haven’t tried ,eventhough it’s guaranteed to work with the children, is the promise of cash. The right amount of money would go a long way towards ‘togetherness’. Oh!… what a show they would put on the little r****ls….:lol:

Last Sunday I gave it my best shot and to be honest it might be the last. Once again I put my heart and soul into a family outing. This time to Ruislip Lido¬†but listening to my family that morning and all the way there¬†,anyone would have thought that I was dragging them to Holloway women’s prison. Teenage daughter as usual was the worse of the lot. The others, once there were quite taken by the surroundings. They even wanted to venture out into the woodland but we had to give it a miss as their big sister was wearing the most inapropriate clothes for such outing plus she did not want her shoes covered in mud. I still don’t know what made me keep my cool. I can still hear her inside my head. Any comments on the surrounding were knocked down as soon as they came out of my mouth. Me: oh this is so pretty,mashallah. Her: I agree, pretty boring. ¬†Me: what about finding a place to eat our picnic in? Her: so now we have to walk too? And in that mode on and on and on and on.

So my dear readers, I guess I am trying to say that despite all my efforts to get this sense of togethernes flowing in my home it is not going to happen or worse still it might not even exist. It’s simply utopia or only happens on TV. Maybe our experience is the norm. Perhaps I am wanting to achieve the imposible. Whatever it is , one thing is pretty clear to me… it is not going to happen over night. Not until we are all settled hormonally. Something tells me that hormones are the cause of disfunctionality in my family. It is a very plausible explanation. Even my dh agrees with me on that. Did I say agree? Agree as in , we are together in this? ūüėÜ No way. It’s just that the man has been told by me, at least a thousand times, ¬†that theory of mine whereby everything going wrong in our household of three females and just the one male is blamed on the feminine hormones. I think the man honestly believes it. Bless him, he hasn’t got a chance, has he? May Allah give him the patience and wisdom to deal with three daughters and grant him jennah, ameen.

Anyways as usual, looking forward to your advice and experiences. Please kindly write some constructive comments and if you would some tips to alleviate my suffering or even solutions to my problem.

Before I sign off let me share some of the pics taken on Sunday at Ruislip Lido.

april09-242april09-176april09-187

Pretty , don’t you think?

Salaams and Hasta Pronto,

Ines

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3 thoughts on “Why do I insist…”

  1. all I can say is if you’re waiting till you’re all hormonally “settled” you might end up feeling disappointed my love….plus it’s not your hormones at fault..it’s ALWAYS the children’s….repeat that several times a day….

    have you tried having quality time with each of the girls seperately to begin with so that you can just chill and chat?

    or have a rota system for the family so that each week it’s the turn of someone else to decide how you spend your family time…

    maybe you should all meditate together..i’ve tried that with mine before..and if it fails in the longterm..at least they’ve sat in one place quietly for a while…

    .

  2. assalamu alaykum sis… I tried to send u an email, did u receive it? If not, please email me at ummtravis at live dot com

    I am so sorry about your difficulties, I dont know the answer, I have heard that teenagers can be really difficult. I think somehow you need to show her you are the boss and she needs to zip it and learn some respect.

    How is her Islam first of all? How is her relationship with Allah? What are her friends/peers/school/other influences like? All teenagers have these moods and feelings, but it is the way they deal with it that we should be concerned about. Yes, I think we all outgrow this, but a God-fearing Muslimah would know how angry Allah would be at her behaviour.

    Anyway, this is all just food for thought.. not exactly gonna fix the situation now. I say work on building a good 1:1 relationship, going shopping, having girl time, getting her to open up and talk about stuff, and then get in there, and tell her (like a friend) ow you want to be treated/talked to. How big girls/adults/good Muslimahs talk.

    May Allah help you and make it easy, ameen

  3. salam alaikoum dear sister,
    I am so sorry to hear that. i cannot really give a suggestion because I just have young boys… but I pray for you and hope the sister’s advices here may help inchaallah, they sound good to me.
    may Allah bless you with feelings of togetherness!!!
    xxx

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